you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
