I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
