Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
