what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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