I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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