somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
