Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How does one acquire holy water?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
