Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
