I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
