you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
