Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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