It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
