Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
