Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
