is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
