The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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