He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
