he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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