The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
honey bunches of taint.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
