There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
