A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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