I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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