as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
