She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
