I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
