And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
pray to the hookup gods
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
