i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
