Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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