im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
