my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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