Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I would ride that face into the sunset
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