Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
