I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
