Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
