I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
