The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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