I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
