Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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