the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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