I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
