Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
