he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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