I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
