There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
