so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
