Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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