Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
