Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
