I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
