My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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