I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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