if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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