whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
